Love on the Rocks

Farewell-"Through The Eyes Of" Challenge Fic

2008-07-04T10:41:54Z

Farewell-Chapter Three/Four

Author:mickiebg
Timeframe: Post 513
Rating: NC 17
Summary: A look at the lives of Brian and Justin through the eyes of a father. This fic was written for the challenge, “Through the Eyes Of”, on neverenough_bj.
Warnings: Angst filled
Beta:the_glamster
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters-Showtime and the others do.

Acknowlegements: Banner made by the most talented artist, marilla_pm67. Thank you Sam for always coming through for me. Candle icon by pfodge.

Farewell-Chapter Three/Four

Chapter 3

2001-Journal Entry

Almost three years have come and gone and the silence between me and Justin continues. In the interim, I’ve been through several relationships, trying to recapture the one I had with Jennifer, a hopeless task, because there will never be anyone like her. I’m beginning to realize what a fool I was to let my feelings about Justin interfere with my relationship with my wife. She should have come first and I should have listened, but as usual, hindsight is always twenty-twenty. My life is turning into such a cliché.

He turns twenty this year. It would have been a huge event in our family if we were all still together. Instead, all I can do is sit here and reminisce. I hope that Kinney gets him something special for his birthday…Justin always loved birthdays. I can’t believe Justin’s back with him. They must really love each other. God, just saying those words makes me sick…two men having that kind of relationship. I still can’t wrap my head around it. I wonder if I ever will.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They’re reading again, don’t these two work? What kind of hours do they keep? I know that they did something after they stopped reading last night. I don’t even want to think about what it was. It’s not normal for them to be going at it so many times in twenty-four hours. Hell, they’ve been together now for fourteen years? I don’t remember Jen and I having sex that often. Is this a queer thing?

2002 Journal Entry

A couple of new developments.

Justin’s comic book is doing great and Kinney seems to be sick. I can’t find out any details from anyone but the bottom line is he’s been to a hospital and had some kind of surgery. I hope he fucking dies!

So I got an update from my private eye. He had some kind of cancer, but he’ll live. Maybe he’ll never get it up again and Justin will walk out for good this time. That would serve Kinney right.

As usual, the man’s luck continues to hold. He not only survived the treatment, he’s opened his own ad agency and Justin is still there-attached to his hip like a fucking pager.

Maybe I should start to accept the fact that these two are meant to be together. Yeah, right…and soon men will start having babies and pigs will fly. What a crock of shit!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Okay,” Brian said, pushing the laptop away, the anger is his voice quite apparent. “That’s enough hatred for one morning.”

“I know it’s pretty bad…I had no idea how much he hated you.”

“Yes, well, I did. I still remember what his fist felt like on my jaw.”

“That was very early on in our relationship. I thought that things would get better with time.”

“You are the eternal optimist, aren’t you?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He’s not only an optimist, he’s a romantic as well. Certainly none of my genes are running through those veins….that’s all Jen. I wish I had seen things more clearly though. It’s as if my right brain was telling me one thing but my left was still running the show. How different things would have been if I’d cracked a door open. I’m sure he would have let me in, despite Kinney’s feelings. The father/son bond is much stronger. Even Brian would understand that. He’s got a son, I’m sure he’d move heaven and earth to protect the boy. That’s all I ever wanted to do, protect Justin…

2005 Journal Entry

The homos of Pittsburgh are going crazy with Prop 14. They want it stopped, but frankly, I think it’s a good idea. How dare they think that they have the right to marry? That is an abomination in the eyes of the Lord. I’m not paying for any health benefits for anyone of my employees who dare to think I would relent because I have a son that’s queer. No fucking way. Two men getting married? Come on…

Justin pushed himself into my office, despite the security guards. He stood in front of my desk, in all his self-righteous anger, mouthing off nonsense about his rights. I fucking told him he was wrong, all of this was wrong! This is not nature’s way.

He was being a dick and so I lost it. I had him arrested. I know. I was wrong. It was a terrible thing to do, and believe me, Jennifer read me the riot act for days, not that it made a difference one way or the other. If ever there were any chance of a reunion it died when I let them take him away in the police car.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Well, at least he admitted his mistake,” Justin said, rubbing a hand across his face and then reaching around and kneading his neck. “I feel a migraine coming on.”

“Oh, no you don’t. Come on, get up. Shut that miserable confessional box and let’s go to the diner, have some of that disgusting food and listen to gossip.”

“I’d rather stay here and finish this.”

“No, come on, Justin. We haven’t left the house in twenty-four hours. I’m starting to feel like Howard Hughes.”

Justin looked up at him and raised his eyebrow, “If you don’t shave that scruff off your face, you’ll even look like him.”

“So get up already. We need to get in the shower and shave, blow, shampoo, blow and then soap.”

“How’d you manage two blowjobs in that one sentence?”

“One for you and one for me. What do I look like? A selfish prick?”

Justin laughed out loud and stood up and threw himself on Brian, latching on to him like a Koala on a tree. “You are more like Howard Hughes than you know…certainly as crazy.”

“But just as brilliant, Sunshine, don’t forget the brilliant part.”

“That too,” Justin said as Brian moved them both off towards the bathroom.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At Woody’s Deb was solicitous and hovered over Justin, treating him like an invalid instead of a son who’d just lost his father. It was so annoying that Brian finally threw his napkin down and said, “Deb, quit it!”

“What? I’m just trying to help Sunshine cope with his loss.”

“We’re coping just fine. You’re acting like he lost his cock, not his asshole of a father.”

“Brian,” Justin whispered.

“Let’s get out of here and go back home. You know how I feel about pity.”

“It makes your dick soft, I know.”

“Right.” He stood and pulled Justin up with him, putting an arm on his shoulder possessively.

“I was only trying to help,” Debbie said. “I know what it’s like to lose someone you love.”

“He didn’t love him!” Brian said, looking her straight in the eye.

She reached out and squeezed Justin’s shoulder.

“I know you mean well, Deb. I’m so confused about my feelings right now I don’t know what I feel,” Justin said, almost apologetically.

“I guess I should butt out and let you deal with your feelings on your own,” Deb replied. “But I know how hard it is,”

Brian kept pushing Justin towards the exit. On the drive home Justin was quiet and Brian looked over at him and said, “Did I over react?”

“A little bit,” Justin said in a soft voice.

“I just hate to see you this way. It was bad enough that he hurt you when he was alive. I can’t stand to see him do this to you even now.”

“Let’s go home and read some more. Maybe I’ll get more information and then I can let this go once and for all.”

“I doubt it,” Brian said, his bad mood escalating. He wished they’d never started reading the journal from Hell. All it had succeeded in doing was mess up Justin’s head even more. Before he opened the lap top, his position was clear. He hated his Dad. Now he was confused and Brian could feel the sadness starting to move in on Justin, like a bad case of food poisoning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They’re back…thank God. We only have twenty hours left. How’s he going to get through the journal in such a short time? Or is this Kinney’s plan? To distract him enough so that he’ll never finish.

2005-Continued

There’s been a bombing at Babylon. I don’t know if Justin is alive or dead and I’m too scared to find out. I will never forgive myself if they tell me he’s been killed. Our last words to each other were so filled with anger. I need to know he’s alright.

I’ve just turned on the TV and someone is interviewing Brian. The son-of-a-bitch has obviously got nine lives.

I can’t see the screen or the keyboard right now…I’m typing by touch…my tears are flowing down my face and onto my hands…he’s alive…my boy, my Justin is alive…thank God...

I need to go and see him, to tell him how much I care. He has to know…what if he died? He’d have gone to his grave thinking I hate him when nothing could be further from the truth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2005-Continued

Several weeks have passed and I’ve made no attempt to contact him. What do I say? How can I tell him that I’m sorry for everything when I can’t bring myself to even pick up the phone? Is it pride or fear that stops me? What if he tells me to go to hell, as he should? I am a terrible father. I should have acknowledged his feelings and his relationship with Brian years ago, but I was too stubborn to admit I was wrong.

Jennifer just informed me that they are getting married. Married? What the fuck does that mean? How do two men get married? I’m even more reluctant to call him because I don’t know whether I should offer my condolences or congratulations. Brian bought him a mansion in West Virginia, she said, equipped with an enormous studio, among other things. Well, I hope they live happily ever after.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin pushed the laptop away and walked over to the balcony to have a cigarette. He didn’t say much but Brian could tell he was upset. He walked up behind him and wrapped his arms around Justin’s torso, pulling him tightly against his chest. He put his head down on Justin’s shoulder and said quietly in his ear, “You want to talk?”

“I just can’t believe that he actually had a change of heart and never let me know.”

“I can’t believe that Jennifer told him everything that was going on in our lives. I thought they hated each other’s guts.”

“I guess they still had some sort of connection because of their children. Mom probably felt that she could negotiate a reunion between the two of us by keeping him abreast of our lives. I wish she had given me some indication though.”

“If she had, you would have stopped talking to her.”

“That’s probably true.”

“You know it is…look how long it took you to accept Tuck.”

“I can be such a dick sometimes.”

“You’re just a purist Justin. It’s always been all or nothing with you. I’ve known this for years and have accepted it.”

Justin turned and put his arms around Brian’s neck. He looked up at the earth colored eyes, the greens and browns intermixed so easily in a perfect palette and he said, “People think that you are the difficult one. The one that’s most demanding. They have no idea that it’s all me.”

“Oh, the ones who are close to us know you’re a big diva.”

“How do you put up with me? My own father could never deal with my moods.”

“I don’t ‘put up’ with you. I love you because of the way you are.”

"But I can be such a heartless prick. Sticking to my principles like my life depended on it.”

“You can be a bit of a zealot at times, true, but for the most part you’re just painfully honest in everything you do, and you expect the same from others. I know I would have never had the guts to open my heart if you hadn’t been in my life.”

“I more or less pried it out of you, didn’t I?” Justin said, the smile coming back hesitantly.

“You wouldn’t have been able to pry anything out of me if I hadn’t been more than willing.”

“Why do I have this terrible need to hear the words though? For years you showed me how much you loved me and yet I couldn’t bring myself to believe it until it was almost too late. That entire Ethan debacle was all about my not listening.” The sadness on Justin’s face was all too apparent and Brian kissed him gently before he let him continue to speak. “I guess I did the same thing with my father, expecting to hear the spoken words rather than catching the subtle signs. I had to hear him say it, to admit he was wrong, before I would acknowledge him.”

“You’re doing it again,” Brian said, cupping Justin’s face in his hands and then running his thumb over his lips. “You’re making this all about you.”

“Am I?”

“Yes. You’re father was the one who drew the line. He should have made the move, not you. The problem is you were both very much alike and neither one was willing to compromise.”

“I would have tried if he’d let me know he had a change of heart about us.”

“Then why didn’t you go and see him when he called from the hospital?”

Justin’s tears automatically appeared in response to the question. “I don’t know.”

“Because you probably never thought he’d changed. That it would just be more of the same crap coming out of him.”

“Or maybe it was because I thought he had, and I was too scared to let him back in my heart.”

Brian held him tighter and said, “You’re the bravest person I know, Justin.”

“I should have gone to see him.”

“And he should have called years ago, when he realized he was wrong. Hindsight is always twenty-twenty. I believe he already said that at some point in his journal. You are not perfect and neither was he.”

“Can we go back and read more?”

“Come on.”

They went back into the bedroom and turned on the computer again. Brian made himself a little nest with pillows supporting his back and he spread his legs apart to make room for Justin who was now comfortably leaning on his chest, the laptop in plain view of both of them.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2005-Continued

They’ve called off the wedding! Justin has left for New York to try and make it over there, according to Jennifer. I asked her if Brian was with him and she said no. She was filled with sadness, as if someone had died. Are they still together?

I hired a new agency, one based out of New York so I wouldn’t have to pay for traveling expenses. There’s a report on my desk every week, just letting me know how he’s doing. I told them I wanted nothing invasive, no home surveillance or wire tapping. I just want to know that he’s alright. New York is a rough town, although the more I learn about my son, the more I’m beginning to realize that he is more than capable of taking care of himself. He’s definitely a much stronger man than I though he’d ever be.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2007 Journal Entry

He has an exhibit-a one man show at a gallery in Soho. I’ve been told that this is a huge accomplishment in and of itself. I will make it a point to try and see it.

I just got back from the gallery. It’s Sunday and I was able to convince the owner to open the door for me and give me a private showing. He was nothing but effusive about Justin’s talent, telling me that the art world had not seen anything like him in over fifty years. He’s going to be the next Warhol, he said, the best thing that Pittsburgh has produced in years. He must really have talent if the Art Forum was willing to devote three pages to him. I was filled with pride as I walked through the room and saw his work. Most of the pieces had been sold but I was able to buy one painting, writing a check for an astonishing amount of money.

It’s been two years since he left the Pitts and the kid has already made it in a town that is cruel and demanding. I know that the one painting I bought has generated a lot of attention. I wish that Justin could see it hanging over my desk. I never thought I’d ever admit that he did the right thing by going to PIFA instead of Dartmouth but now I know he did. The world is a better place for having his art.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian could feel the trembling and then the huge intake of breath as Justin let out one sob. Brian took the laptop and moved it off the bed, as if that would staunch the pain.

He took Justin in his arms again and held him as he continued to cry silently. This was far worse than any of Justin’s ranting and raving or his hysterical sobbing. He would have preferred that over this silent crying which was much more profound, and which he had no idea how to deal with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m so sorry that this is upsetting him. I didn’t mean for this to be so hard. All I wanted was for them to realize that I had an epiphany of sorts. Brian is being so supportive, so loving…I had no idea he had it in him. The Kinney I knew was cold and heartless, not this tender man holding my son as he cries his heart out. No wonder Jennifer thinks he walks on water.

I’ve got about five hours left. I know that they’re starting to realize how much I did change towards the end. Does this mean he’ll forgive me? That they both will? I want that knowledge before I go and face whoever or whatever is out there. I need to know that despite all the mistakes I’ve made in my life I’ve done one thing right. I’ve admitted I’m wrong. Maybe that will earn me a pass when I get to the pearly gates.

TBC

Farewell-A Challenge Fic

2008-07-02T09:45:28Z

Farewell-Chapter Two/Four

Author:mickiebg
Timeframe: Post 513
Rating: R
Summary: A look at the lives of Brian and Justin through the eyes of a father. This fic was written for the challenge, “Through the Eyes Of”, on neverenough_bj.
Warnings: Angst filled
Beta:the_glamster
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters-Showtime and the others do.

Acknowlegements: Banner made by the most talented artist, marilla_pm67. Thank you Sam for always coming through for me. Blue candle icon by pfodge

Allegheny General-2012

The doctors have just left the room. It has been confirmed. I will be dead in approximately six weeks…around Labor Day. Justin will get a good laugh when he finds out where this cancer has started. The card carrying homophobe finally takes it up the ass, how ironic…

I sit alone in this sterile environment, a room that has seen death and has lived to talk about it. So now it’s my turn. “Shouldn’t you inform your family?” the doctor asked? “Do you want us to explain anything to your wife or children?”

The sadness of this whole situation is not lost on me. I’m a family man, without a family. They left me years ago when I made the decision to cut them out of my life, because they didn’t fit my image of the perfect, white, Anglo-Saxon household. So how do I fix this? Is there even the remotest chance of a reunion? I doubt it. He’s already refused all my calls. The chances of him coming to this hospital are zero to none.

I hate hospitals. I hate the smell, the food, the doctors and nurses that look at you without really seeing a human being. I’m a graph, numbers on a blood pressure machine, the bladder behind the bag of urine, dark with blood and chemicals. There is no dignity in hospital dying, so I’ve insisted on going home. I’ll hire someone to come in daily to monitor the meds and make sure all the tubes are hooked up properly. What else am I going to do with my money at this point? Certainly can’t take it with me, although, I would if it would guarantee my place in the next life.

Is there a next life? Who knows…I’ve never really thought about it. Oh, I know, I’ve quoted the bible, time and again, especially around Justin, spouting nonsense about hell and damnation; threatening him with God’s wrath if he didn’t change his ways and become normal.

Of course, my idea of normal is very different from his. We seem to be speaking in tongues whenever we’re together, neither one understanding or acknowledging the other. The time for us to work things out has long past. My only hope is that he’ll read my journal someday. The one I started in 1999

~~~~~~~~~~

“That’s when we met,” Justin said, looking at Brian who was stretched out beside him. He had turned the laptop on as soon as he’d woken up.

“I’m aware.”

“I didn’t know he kept a journal.”

“Apparently there’s a lot we didn’t know about your father. Pass me a cigarette,” Brian asked, as he sat up and leaned against the headboard.

“Shall we keep reading?” Justin asked, after he took a puff and passed the cigarette to Brian.

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, let’s read until you get upset again. I don’t want this to fuck you up anymore than necessary.”

“’Kay.”

I can’t believe how kind he’s being with him…how gentle. This is not what I had envisioned when I imagined the two of them together. Obviously they’ve just had sex and I’m grateful they shut the laptop while they were doing it. I don’t care if I’m dead or not. Watching two men fuck is not my idea of fun, especially when one of them is my son.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1999 Journal Entry

It all started the day I walked into Justin’s room and found the drawings. Sketches of naked men, sitting alongside the baseball trophies he’d won in Little League when I was his coach. My beautiful son, my golden boy, loved cock. How does a father respond to that? I don’t care how much you love your kid, or how understanding you are. The bottom line is that having a son tell you he’s a homo is a shock! I can’t deal with it. I know that he’s artistic and very much in touch with his feminine side. I’ve asked Jennifer to stop treating him like a girl, but she claims she isn’t. I used to look the other way when he’d sit there and play with Daphne and her dolls, but this is a whole new world for me…one I know nothing about and don’t want to know!

When did this happen? Is it my fault or Jennifer’s? Haven’t I shown him time and again how much I loved him? Don’t I provide enough masculine influence? Are people born gay or do parents fuck up a good thing? I’d like to think that none of this is my fault, that I’ve done everything I’m supposed to.

A father couldn’t have been prouder of his son than I was. And I know that he was proud of me. I remember walking onto the baseball field with the little boy with the beautiful golden hair, just like his mother’s, and he’d look up at me with those big blue eyes, his little hand in mine and squeeze it tightly saying, “Don’t leave me Daddy, okay?”

And I didn’t. We played baseball together for several years, until he started drawing more, which took the time away from the sport. But I didn’t mind. I tried to understand, thinking this was a phase that he’d outgrow. He never did, of course. Art became his life and baseball was forgotten.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1999-Continued

Do I confront him? Not right away. I really don’t want to hear the gory details of his sex life. The thought of another man with him makes me sick…especially when the other man is so much older.

Kinney had no business picking up Justin. I should have him arrested; I just don’t want any publicity. I wish I’d killed him when I rammed his car, but he must have the luck of the Irish, which is apparently what his family is. Irish trash…

The biggest surprise was when Kinney brought Justin back home. I never expected that. I thought he’d want to keep him locked away in his den of iniquity until he tired of him. Apparently Brian Kinney goes through men the way people go through toilet paper…without much thought or respect. The man is a predator from everything I’ve heard and I hate him!

That meeting was a disaster. In retrospect, I shouldn’t have laid down any stipulations for Justin’s return, certainly not in front of Kinney. If I’d kept my big mouth shut, Justin would have stayed. At least, that’s what Jennifer said, before she threw me out of the bedroom forever. So that’s another thing I can thank Brian Kinney for. I not only lost a son, I lost a wife in the process…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That’s bullshit!” Brian said. “Your mother has told us several times that she and Craig were having problems, long before I came around.”

“I know. She told me the same thing, but he did insist that I caused their break-up. He told me right to my face, two minutes before he had me arrested!”

“What an asshole. Keep on reading.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2000 Journal Entry

He’s been hurt! My son has been seriously injured and his name is splashed all over the papers! Now the whole world knows he’s gay, not just his group of friends. What were they thinking when Kinney showed up at the prom? How sick is that? No wonder Justin was hit in the head with a bat! He was asking for it! It’s bad enough that he’s gay, but to flaunt it like that in front of God fearing people is only asking for trouble. I screamed at Jennifer when she told me what happened. She probably knew that Kinney was going to the prom and did nothing about it. All she has done since Justin announced he’s queer is aid and abet. She is the poorest excuse for a mother.

How am I going to face the community and my employees? What are they going to think when they find out my son is a queer? I wonder if this is some kind of message. Hopefully he’ll have a wake-up call and tell Kinney to get out of his life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I can’t believe he was thinking that,” Justin said, looking at Brian with eyes that sparkled with unshed tears.

Brian took him in his arms and held him tightly, his mood turning darker by the minute. “Yeah, I noticed how much concern he showed for your health. Did he even realize that you were close to death?”

“He was probably hoping that I’d die at that point and spare him further embarrassment. He hardly ever went to see me at the hospital and when he did, he barely talked to me.”

“The man was pathetic! Do you want to keep on reading?” Brian asked gently. He was ready to take the laptop and hurl it out the window. Justin, on the other hand, wanted to forge ahead.

“I want to get this over with. You read out loud this time.”

“Okay, but stay right here, where I can hold you,” he said, tucking Justin under his armpit and putting his head on his chest. Brian picked up the laptop so they could both see it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2000-Continued

I still can’t believe he’s not going to Dartmouth! I was hoping he’d have a change of heart after the bashing but apparently not. He’s still going to the college of fruits and freaks. I can’t believe it! The thought of all the missed opportunities at Dartmouth is making me sick to my stomach.

I was enraged when Jennifer told me, telling her point-blank that I wouldn’t pay for his schooling unless he went there. A few weeks later she mentioned that he’d become a go-go dancer to raise money. I was horrified by the thought of him dancing half-naked in a room full of depraved men. I almost caved and called him, but changed my mind at the last minute. I was sure he would get tired of his part-time career and come to his senses.

But he never did! Instead, he chose to indenture himself to that pedophile…to become his sex slave so he’d pay for his tuition. That really hurt! The fact that Kinney picked up his tab. I was hoping that would be my trump card, that he’d come crawling back, asking for my forgiveness. But he never did!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2001-Journal Entry

He has left him! I was overjoyed when I heard the news. He’s finally come to his senses and walked out on Kinney. Now if he would just change his mind about this whole gay business.

He came over last night to talk about money and his tuition. That conversation didn’t go well at all. I told him I would help if he went to Dartmouth. He told me to forget it. He’d never be a businessman or straight for that matter. He said he’d never be the man I wanted him to be. He said he was the only man he could possibly be and if I wasn’t proud of him than it was my problem. Well, I’ll say one thing for him; he’s grown a set of balls he never used to have.

I wanted to say something then…to open a window, possibly start some kind of dialogue towards a reunion of sorts, but he stood up abruptly and walked out. When I called PIFA a few days later to inquire about his tuition, I was told that Kinney had paid the year in full. That fucker must really care about him…they’re not even together anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Justin shut the laptop. His emotions were swinging back and forth, alternating between extreme sadness and regret, to anger and bitterness.

“I can’t believe he was having second thoughts about paying for PIFA.”

“Well, he never got his chance, because I took care of it.”

“I suppose that made things worse, as far as any possible reconciliation between us. But, Brian, he never once gave me the slightest inkling that he’d change his mind.”

“And he probably wouldn’t have. Justin, he’s writing stuff in his journal as he’s thinking. These are thoughts that may have crossed his mind at one point but the fact is he never acted on them.”

“I can’t read anymore.”

“We’ll get back to it at a later date,” Brian answered. “Nobody said you have to read the whole thing in one shot. It took him years to write. Why shouldn’t it take you just as long to read the damn thing?”

“I don’t know, I feel as if he wanted me to read it all at once.”

I think you should read at your own pace. There are parts of this that are going to really upset you.”

“I know.”

“Let’s go swimming.”

“Now?

“Yeah, come on,” Brian replied, getting off the bed and pulling Justin along with him. “Don’t put any clothes on. Just grab a couple towels and let’s go.”

The stars were all out tonight…a perfect summer evening, complete with a full moon and fireflies. Justin sat on the steps of the pool in the shallow end, watching Brian do laps, loving the feel of the water cooling off his warm body. It had been ages since they’d done this and it felt good.

Brian swam up to him and came up for air right in between his legs, blowing a small stream of water in his face. He kissed his wet lips, rubbing his nose on his and said, “You okay?”

“I’m fine. This is great isn’t it?”

“It’s more than great…it’s just what the doctor ordered.”

Justin smiled at him and then bent forward, kissing him deeply, sliding his tongue around Brian’s inner lip. He felt Brian move closer, pressing his entire length against him as they reclined on the steps. He could feel the blood rushing to his groin, felt the twin erection pressing impatiently against him.

“It’s been a while since we’ve fucked in water.”

Justin huffed out a laugh, trying to catch a breath as the endorphins raced through him. “How come you still make me feel like a horny teenager? Isn’t passion supposed to die out at some point?”

“It better not!” Brian said with a low growl, twirling his tongue around Justin’s nipples and running his hands up and down his arms as they lay half in and half out of the water. “If that ever happens, it’ll be time for us to shoot each other.”

“How dramatic! I can already see the headlines; lovers die in each other’s arms with a bottle of Viagra and a smoking gun on the floor between them.”

“Yeah, we’ll go out with a splash Sunshine. But that’s another day. Right now, I need to get inside your ass. Wrap your legs around me.”

Justin moved and adjusted himself, encircling Brian’s waist with his legs, pulling him closer, as Brian got on his knees on one of the steps and gently started pushing into Justin. He felt him clenching around his cock, the combination of the cool water and the hot canal a double delight, causing him to groan out loud.

“This feels amazing.”

“Don’t talk Brian, just move.”

And he did, taking his time, setting the pace. It was a long and languorous fuck, a sensational build-up, made possible by the cool water surrounding them like amniotic fluid, carrying them in a state of suspended animation. Justin leaned his head back on a step, looking at the dark head resting briefly on his chest, listening to the breaths huffing out of Brian.

Justin’s cock pressed rigidly between them, massaged by the slow press of Brian’s stomach muscles as he undulated back and forth in time with each thrust of his tongue as his mouth possessed him greedily. The moonlight shone brightly, spot lighting the drops of water falling from Brian’s hair, a reminder of a past scene when he stood in front of Justin after pouring water all over himself. That was years ago but it was a mental snapshot that Justin would take to his grave. The most beautiful man he’d ever seen in his life, a vision he would never be able to erase and now he looked into the same hazel eyes, the same luscious lips, the same incredible chest and he reveled in the fact that this man was his. “I love you,” he whispered as Brian responded with a deep kiss.

Justin felt himself getting close, he knew that Brian was almost there himself and he grabbed Brian’s ass with both hands and pulled him forward, gripping his hips with rock hard thighs, and they slammed into each other as the explosions went off, one deep inside his body, the other erupting like white lava, streams of cum that floated to the top of the water like the tentacles of a jelly fish…

“Fuck, that was intense,” Brian said as he collapsed on Justin’s chest. His heart was thudding dangerously, almost moving his body with each beat and he turned his head and saw the white stripes on the water and said, “Uh-oh…we’re going to be in trouble with the pool guy.”

“Fuck the pool guy. That was worth listening to him bitch.”

Brian laughed and moved away from Justin and then pulled him up. They stood on the stairs, two beautiful men, pressed against each other tightly. The light from the full moon bounced off the droplets of water that covered their bodies, making them shine in the night, like their companion fireflies that flitted around in the garden.

TBC

Go to:Chapter 3

New Fic-Farewell

2008-06-28T10:17:25Z

Farewell-'Through the Eyes Of' Challenge Fic

Author:mickiebg
Timeframe: Post 513
Rating: R
Summary: A look at the lives of Brian and Justin through the eyes of a father. This fic was written for the challenge,'Through the Eyes Of', on neverenough_bj.
Warnings: Angst filled
Beta:the_glamster
Disclaimer: I own none of these characters-Showtime and the others do.
Acknowlegements: Banner made by the most talented artist, marilla_pm67. Thank you Sam for being my graphic muse and always inspiring me with your beautiful artwork. Candle icon by pfodge

Farewell-Chapter One/Four

The worst part about being dead is the fact that I’ve run out of time.

It’s over. No more going back to make things right. The most I can hope for is that somewhere between dead and deader there is that window that everyone here seems to be talking about. The seventy-two hour grace period one gets before moving on to whatever destination lies ahead. I’m not sure whose idea this is, but these are the rules.

I’m waiting for them to get here. I know they’re coming, because I stipulated it in my will, and Jennifer has always been compliant; especially when it comes to something of this magnitude.

They’ll probably be unhappy when they realize that management has turned off the air conditioning so soon. The condo is hot and stuffy and already it feels like it’s been deserted for years, when in reality I’ve only been gone for a day. I’ve already wasted twenty-four of my allotted seventy-two hours, lying in that awful coffin waiting for them to take away the diseased body of Craig Taylor.

So why are they not here yet? It’s not like I can go and find them. I can’t just wisp in and out of any scenario, like some angel or their dreaded counterparts. I’ve been told that by the guys in charge of this place. I can only move in and out of scenes I’ve been a part of, places or things, but I’m running out of time.

I hear a key in the lock…they’re here.

“God, this place is so muggy. Open a window, Justin.”

Jennifer’s talking to him, my golden boy. He seems irritated and distant, much like the way he was the last time we talked. I seem to bring out this side of him, even though I’m not around.

“You’ve been up since five in the morning, Mother. I think you should leave the mess and have someone else do this.”

I look at the man and woman standing in my living room. Justin looks great, dressed in a suit, his hair is short and styled. He could pass for straight, if I didn’t know any better. Jennifer on the other hand doesn’t look so hot. Her beautiful hair, which is normally so perfect, is a mess tonight. And there are bags under her puffy eyes…crying for me? Perhaps...

She has her hair pulled back, secured with some sort of clip. The clip is red, clashing obscenely with her black dress, black shoes and black stockings. It’s out of place considering she’s had the decency to dress the part of a widow, even though we’ve been divorced for years. The red clip seems incongruous compared to the rest of her attire.

“I don’t want you staying the night.”

Leave her alone Justin…let her make her own decisions.

“I need to sort out his things, sweetheart. To put aside all the items we’ll be giving away. The cleaning crew will be here tomorrow to help with the rest of this mess.”

“Mother, you know this is going to be very difficult for you,” Justin replied. “Where is this coming from anyway? Does Tuck even know you’re here?”

“Of course he knows, Justin. He also knows that I can’t just turn my back on your father’s last request. We were married for almost eighteen years and many of those years were happy ones.”

I thought so…we made a beautiful couple, and had some beautiful kids in the process.

“I don’t remember the happy times,” Justin threw out.

“You’re choosing not to,” Jennifer replied.

That’s right-his memory is very selective. You tell him, Jen.

“Look, I know that he did some terrible things to you, to all of us,” Jennifer stammered, trying to explain, “But he’s dead, Justin, and he did leave me in charge of his estate. I have no idea why, but it is what it is.”

“Guilt!” Justin spat out. “Why else would a man who divorced you nine years ago leave you as the executor of his estate? It makes no sense.”

“To right some wrongs, perhaps?”

I had my reasons and you shouldn’t be questioning me!

Justin laughed at her, shaking his head. “I think you’re having a senior moment, Mother. Craig Taylor didn’t grow a conscience overnight. Maybe all the chemotherapy fried his brain.”

You don’t know anything, smarty pants. I don’t care what you scored on the SAT’s.

“Justin, I know that you and your father never reconciled but he’s gone. Give it a rest, please.”

“Sorry, I’m not as noble as you are. I can’t forget.”

Well, maybe you can’t forget, but I hope I can get you to understand.

“I would like you to go through his things,” she said, her brimming eyes now overflowing, tears wrecking havoc on an already tear-stained face. “I think you should keep his Rolex and his laptop. I don’t see why these things should end up in the hands of perfect strangers.”

“I don’t want them.”

“Justin, please take them. He stipulated it in his will.”

“You know that’s bullshit, Mother. Why would he want me to have any of his things? God forbid his queer son should touch anything with these vile hands.”

“Justin, you’re not making this any easier.”

“He didn’t make it easy for me when he threw me out!”

“He didn’t throw you out Justin. You chose to leave us.”

“I can’t believe you’re saying all this, Mother! Have you forgotten the things he did? Throwing me out of the house, cutting off my educational fund, having me fucking arrested!” Justin was shaking, trying to control his rage.

My God how he hates me...

“Justin, that’s ancient history. Why didn’t you go and see him when he asked for you?”

“Why? So he could look at me and cringe when I walked in the room? So he could call me a misogynist and a deviant, all in one sick, bigoted breath?”

“Justin, I beg you.”

“No mother, I will not shut up, nor will I apologize. I am not going to let you make me feel guilty because I never went to see him in the hospital. He chose this, not me.”

That’s not true! I gave you options, asked you to stay…on my terms, of course. You were only seventeen, for Christ’s sake!

“He disowned me and my lifestyle,” Justin continued, never losing his momentum. “He called me an abomination and Brian a pedophile, telling us we would burn in hell! As far as I’m concerned, he couldn’t have died at a better time.”

If it were possible to feel anything, I’m sure that statement would have felt like a punch in the gut. As such, I can only stare and look at his face to know how much he resented me and everything I stood for.

Justin turned away, getting ready to leave, only to be stopped by Jennifer who put her hand on his arm. “Justin, please…let’s not argue about this.”

“I’ll drop you off on my way home.”

“No, I think I’ll stay the night. We can talk again tomorrow.”

“Of course you’ll stay,” Justin declared in a voice heavy with derision. “I’ve forgotten how fiercely loyal you are, even to a dead man.”

Damn right!

“Loyalty has nothing to do with it, Justin. I just feel that he asked me to do this for a reason. Why didn’t he ask his lawyer or his girlfriend? Anyone could have taken care of this, but he asked me, his ex-wife. I need to find out why.”

Justin threw his coat on and left, slamming the door behind him.

Great! Now he’ll never read my journal...

Suddenly, the door pushed open again and he came back into the room. “Look, I don’t mean to be such an asshole. I’m not upset with you, Mom. I’m pissed that he’s putting you through this, telling you what to do even from his grave.”

“It’s alright, sweetheart. I really don’t mind doing this. It will provide closure for me as well.”

“Surely you couldn’t possibly still love the man?” Justin asked with shock written all over his face.

“No, not love, but he was a part of my life for years. It’s almost like saying goodbye to my own youth and acknowledging that my days are numbered as well.”

“Don’t talk like that!” Justin said, pulling her close and embracing her. “You’re healthy and I want you around for a long, long time.”

“Thank you sweetheart,” she said, pulling away from Justin, her eyes cloudy with pain. “It’s inevitable though; I won’t be around forever.”

“Please, Mom, stop being so morbid…why don’t you go and get that laptop of his. Maybe I’ll take that, if nothing else it’ll come in handy when I have to go out of town.”

Go Jen…run and get it! It’s in the bedroom…

“Thank you,” Justin said, grabbing the black bag from her hand when she came out of the bedroom. “Are you sure I can’t drive you home?”

“It’s alright. I’ll talk to you in the morning, okay?”

He’s leaving but he’s taking the laptop. Now, the hardest part will be waiting for him to open it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It’s evening and I’m in a strange house, my only connection being the laptop. If he gets rid of it, I’ll disappear again. Go back to limbo where I came from. I think he’s going to sit here though and see what’s in the computer. Fortunately, that will allow me to stay a few more hours. Unfortunately, Kinney is beside him...

Justin fired up the laptop, waiting the allotted time, impatiently moving his foot back and forth, wiggling the bed and irritating Brian who angrily swatted him as he tried to doze off. Finally the log-in screen appeared and Justin entered as a guest.

All the usual programs had been installed; including a folder in the pictures section marked ‘Sydney Bloom Gallery’. He opened it and was stunned.

There were pages and pages of links to art galleries and magazines that had spotlighted his work, starting with pieces done early on in his career to others that were done as recently as five months ago. The file was enormous, he realized, as he scrolled through what must have been at least five hundred photos of his work and his public appearances.

There were articles that sang his praises and others that didn’t, but it seemed as if Craig had collected anything in print that contained his name. Every public appearance or photo shoot was chronicled, tagged and notated with little blurbs about where he was, or what he was doing. It was a virtual shrine to his public life. The look on Justin’s face spoke volumes about the anguish he was feeling as he stared at the bright screen in front of him.

He pushed the laptop aside, hoping that would end the pain. He moved in a trance, trying not to think about all the time and effort it must have taken his father to compile all that information. Time that would have been better spent if he’d picked up the phone and apologized. He would have had him on the first ring. All his bravado would have gone out the window if his father had only made one gesture.

Instead, he now possessed the bittersweet knowledge that Craig did give a shit after all; that the harsh words, the cruelty, and the long, drawn-out silences were for nothing.

He got off the bed slowly, not wanting to wake Brian. He’d talk to him about his discovery at a later date, simply because Brian despised Craig and everything he’d ever done. Justin needed time to process this information, time to go back and look through the files to see exactly what his father wanted him to see, because it was abundantly clear that this was his intention all along. He wanted him to have the laptop, to look through his files. He was leaving him a message from the grave and Justin wasn’t sure if he was quite ready to deal with it.

He stepped outside of their room, to the balcony overlooking the lawns of Britin Manor. It was a warm summer night and he lit a joint, inhaling the sweet, heady smoke, hoping it would put him in a better place. He shook his head in annoyance, already regretting the tears that leaked out of his eyes.

“Justin,” Brian called, wondering where he was.

“Coming.”

He went back into their bedroom and removed his briefs and t-shirt and climbed into bed.

Brian immediately reached out and pulled him towards his side, spooning up against him, the way he always did.

“You okay?” he asked, ever in tune with Justin’s feelings.

“I’m fine,” Justin murmured.

“You can talk about him if you want. I don’t mind.”

Justin turned over and looked at Brian. He was wide awake, the hazel eyes looking at him tenderly. He reached up to caress Justin’s face, moving a blond lock out of his eyes and he said, “I know how I felt when Jack died. Even though we never got along, he was still my old man. You loved your father, Justin, in spite of everything. It’s okay to grieve.”

Those words were all it took to release the flood gates and Justin’s tears poured down his face as sobs wracked his body. Brian pulled him closer and held him, waiting for the storm to pass.

Finally, there were no more tears and Justin pushed away. “I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to break down like that.”

“Hey,” Brian said, “That’s what my shoulders were made for, didn’t you know that?” he said, smiling at him gently.

“God, this is so much harder than I thought it would be.”

“I know…I was drunk for days.”

“Do you have any idea how much I rely on your support?”

“You know I do.”

“Brian, I discovered something my father wanted me to see; something I can’t deal with on my own. Will you help me?”

“Of course…what is it?”

Justin got up and grabbed the laptop and placed it on the bed between them and turned it on again.

In a few minutes everything lit up and the familiar login screen appeared. This time he typed in ‘Justin’ under the user name to see what would happen and it automatically opened up to a word document, one he hadn’t seen earlier on.

There was a letter, written to him six days ago, probably Craig’s last coherent act before he slipped into the coma, shortly before his death.

Justin, it started out, if you are reading this it’s because I’m dead. I know that it’s too late to make amends, to get you to see my point of view. All I’m asking is that you give me one last chance to try and explain where I was coming from.

I’ve been keeping a journal, since the day you walked out of our house and I’d like you to read it, so that you might understand me a little better, and maybe in the process, forgive...

I know this is a coward’s way out and I should pick up the phone and call you, but I’m not as brave as you are, son, not by half. You had all the guts in the family and all I had was money and power. None of which meant anything to you in the end.

I beg you to read my journal. Please don’t shut the laptop and put it away somewhere. I hope that after you read everything you’ll realize that contrary to what you think, I did, and still do, love you with all my heart.

Dad

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Oh-my-God,” Justin said, turning his head to Brian’s. “I don’t think I can do this.”

“You don’t have to. It’s your choice, not his.”

“He wanted me to read it.”

“I know, but like I said. It’s your choice. Do what you want.”

“Right now, I want to shut the laptop and put it away.”

“We can do that.”

Justin moved to shut the laptop and Brian intercepted him and took it off the bed and placed it on the floor on his side.

“Why don’t we ignore this for now, get back to it later.”

“'Kay,” Justin replied, allowing Brian to pull him in his arms. He felt Brian roll over and soon he was resting on him, his cock positioned near his asshole.

“You body was designed to fit mine perfectly,” Brian whispered, nuzzling Justin’s neck, making goose bumps rise up all over his fair skin.

“Ya think?” Justin asked, wiggling underneath Brian, creating more friction.

“Stop doing that.”

“I can’t help it, it feels too good,”

“You’re supposed to be sad and passive.”

“I know, I feel guilty as fuck, but I’m horny.”

“It’s okay…there are actual statistics about the increase in the human libido during times of stress and mourning, charts that chronicle the death to fuck ratio.”

“You’re making this up.”

“I’m serious,” Brian replied, the smirk on his face all too apparent.

“I guess I’m not so special then, just another statistic.”

“Sunshine, you are more than special, however, I do want to comfort you in the best way I know how, so I’m going to do all the work and let you lie back and enjoy.”

“Oh right…start working then.”

“What would you like me to do?”

“You mean I get carte blanche?”

“Of course, you’re the one needing the comfort food.”

“Right. Why don’t we start with some tongue action. I could use a good licking.”

“Tell me exactly what you want,” Brian said, running his tongue around Justin’s mouth, like it was the sweetest piece of candy. “You always taste so good.”

“Move down towards my chest,” he directed Brian, inhaling sharply when he felt the sting of Brian’s teeth as they nipped at his left nipple while his fingers tweaked the other one. “Like that?”

“Yes,” Justin huffed out, trying to catch a breath.

“Harder?” Brian asked as he worked Justin.

“God.”

“He’s not here, Sunshine, just me. What else do you want?”

“My cock.”

“What about it,” Brian asked, feeling Justin pressing rigidly against his stomach.

“Suck it.”

“You’re so bossy.”

“Please?”

Brian started licking Justin’s cock, teasing him with long swipes of his tongue, up and down the shaft and along the base, alternately blowing and nipping at the soft skin, taking in his balls and playing with them gently. He avoided the cock head which was now shiny with drops of moisture, saving it until he could hear the whimpering and the begging, loving the power he had to bring his partner to this kind of frenzy even after so many years. Finally, he began to suck on the beautifully shaped head, twirling his tongue around the slit, moving his mouth up and down as Justin’s hips automatically rose off the bed, fucking his face with an abandon that always increased Brian’s pleasure ten-fold. Justin’s cock was slick with saliva. Brian could feel him trembling as his hands rested on Justin’s thighs while he held him down but his partner was having none of it, grabbing Brian’s hair and tugging at him, moaning, “Eat me, Brian, take it all,” even as he rutted against his face, moving faster, and faster until Brian pulled away suddenly, leaving Justin’s cock bobbing, hearing his voice, frantically saying, “No, please, don’t stop.”

“Hold off for a minute…take a breath,” he commanded, waiting for Justin’s breathing to regulate, watching as he thrashed back and forth on the pillow, pulling on Brian’s arms, begging him to continue the delicious torture. Finally, when he saw that Justin was having none of the waiting he bent down and attacked Justin’s hole with his tongue, reducing his partner to a sobbing mess as his orgasm threatened to rip him to shreds.

“Brian, please.”

“What?” he asked, looking up at the blue eyes that were glazed over with lust.

“I need...”

“Tell me…,” Brian asked, slipping two fingers into Justin, moving them around gently to loosen him up.

“I want...”

“Say it Sunshine.”

“Fuck me,” he whimpered.

“What?”

“Please…just fucking do it!”

Brian moved quickly, slamming into Justin without preamble, sucked in by Justin’s greedy hands as they pulled him in as far as possible, while his thighs gripped him in a steel vice, the push and pull a delicious combination of pain and pleasure. He felt Justin tense up, the usual precursor to the orgasm that was about to crash into him while he moaned loudly as Brian prodded his prostrate with each thrust, the pleasure of the act almost unbearable.

“Brian…”

“What?”

“I need to come.”

“One more second,” Brian huffed out, closing his eyes and relishing this exquisite moment.

“Now?”

“Now Sunshine,” and they got off together, both shuddering as the orgasm ripped through them, streams of milky white hitting Brian in his chest and neck even as he felt himself pouring into Justin in hot, rhythmic spurts, in time with the movement of his hips as he felt Justin’s legs gripping him fiercely.

“Oh my fucking God,” Brian exhaled, pressing his face against Justin’s neck, listening to each other’s labored breathing as they slowly came down from their high. He felt Justin’s hands all over his ass, squeezing the round globes tightly than moving up his back until he felt the warm hands gripping his arms and settling easily around his neck. They were covered with a light layer of sweat, the odor of male arousal heavy in the air.

“What the fuck was that all about,” Justin croaked out, completely out of breath.

Brian reached over to grab a cigarette, and he lit it, looking down at Justin, giving him a lopsided grin. “Death becomes you, Sunshine.”

“Craig would be so proud,” Justin replied sardonically, reaching for Brian’s cigarette and taking a puff.

TBC

Go to: Chapter 2

Locking of Gene Pool

2007-12-01T16:29:10Z

A belated announcement to anyone who has been reading Gene Pool

Last night, as I was posting Chapter 10, I got very uncomfortable with the thought of under-age lurkers being able to read my fics. As you know, I have a tendency to write explicit sex scenes, (when it's called for,lol) and if I have to worry about who's reading, I may as well quit writing fanfic and stick to private writing. So, in fairness to all of you who were not warned last night, especially those reading this fic on the bjfic community on lj (which I cannot lock) I would like to announce right now that I am locking Gene Pool from now on. If you are not yet a friend but would like to be and show your full date on your user info, I will be more than happy to friend you back.

I know that you could read this fic on another site that is not locked, however, I am not responsible for that site whereas I am for my lj. Sorry to be such a party-pooper but you gotta do what you gotta do.

Thanks so much for your patience.

Hugs to all,
Michele

Gene Pool-A Sequel to Karma

2007-11-23T23:29:55Z

Title: Gene Pool-Chapter 9
Author:mickiebg
Time Frame: Post 513-AU
Rating: NC 17
Summary: Is it Karma or luck that determines the outcome of our lives?
Warning: Unsafe sex, real life issues, some angst, much love. If you are not 18 or older, please go away.
Disclaimer: I own none of this-Showtime, Cowlip and others do. Only the original characters are mine.
Beta: the_glamster. Thank you!
Acknowledgements: All banners and icons for Gene Pool and Karma are made by the talented and generous marilla_pm67. Thank you Sam!

Chapter 9

It was Monday morning and Emmett sat at his desk, going over invoices and planning out the incoming week. He was very much a hands-on owner/operator, needing to be a part of all the decisions that were necessary to insure that Fabulous continued to be Pittsburgh’s most successful party planner.

In the ten years that he and Max had been together, business had doubled, then tripled, and the little party planning business had evolved into a huge corporation, with satellite businesses in frozen food and party table-ware. There was also a Chicago branch that Max’s sister, Andie Levin managed, however all final decisions were still brought to Emmett’s inbox.

Max’s primary responsibility was the food, all areas of it. The buying and preparing and presentation, along with all the dishes sold in the frozen food side of Fabulous, appropriately called Delightful. He too was very much a control freak when it came to his area of expertise and their business partnership flourished as successfully as their marriage. The instances of any kind of disagreement between the two were so rare you could count them on one hand.

Emmett’s private line rang, a number only known to a selected few. He looked at the caller ID and saw that Gus was on the other line.

“Hey Baby,” Emmett said, sounding perky and upbeat as usual. “What can I do for you?”

“Hey Em,” Gus answered.

Emmett waited for Gus to continue but when he saw that it wasn’t going to happen, he forged on.

“Are you in need of any party planning, sweetie? Do you need to stock your freezer with some yummies from Delightful?”

Gus smiled into the phone when he heard that. “No, Em, that’s not why I’m calling.”

“What is it Gus?” Emmett asked, switching to a more serious voice. “Are you okay?”

“Em,” Gus said, hesitating again, trying to figure out how to spill out his request. “I need to talk to you.”

“Sure sweetheart, talk away. I’m all ears,” Emmett gushed.

“I mean, in person,” Gus said. “Not on the phone.”

“Oh,” Emmett answered surprised. “Do you want to swing by here?”

“No,” Gus said, thinking about what he wanted. “Would you mind coming over to the loft? After work?”

Emmett took a quick look at his calendar and when he saw that it was clear he said, “I’m free tonight. I can stop by around six-thirty. Will that work for you?”

“That’s fine,” Gus answered. “I’ll see you later. And Em?”

“Yes?”

“Come alone, okay?”

“Okay,” Emmett said, twin lines appearing between his brows. He put the phone down, more intrigued than ever.

Gus sat back on his chair and covered his face with both hands. He had no idea if he was doing the right thing by calling Emmett, but he had to talk to someone or he felt that he would go out of his mind.

His entire world had been upended by one man. One man who had moved him from one place in his brain to another, changing the way he looked at the world and life in general. Gus felt like he was on the most amazing roller-coaster ride. The highs and lows of the last few days had been indescribable and he would have needed medication if not for the fact that every time he started having a moment of disgust or self-doubt, Aedan would appear and would wipe out any sort of misgivings that may have crossed his mind.

One word, one touch was all it took. Aedan had been by his side constantly after their little incident in the sauna. He had graduated into letting Aedan into the loft, letting him see him practically naked, lying in bed as Aedan worshiped at his cock, bringing him to heights he had never experienced with his wife or anyone else for that matter. Aedan had been patient and loving and extremely masterful, never once asking that Gus do anything more than allow him to service him. He had never pressed Gus to reciprocate in any way, yet Gus knew that Aedan wanted him desperately.

He could feel himself getting more and more comfortable with him and the thought of sex with another male. He wanted to take Aedan in his mouth too, to allow him to do more to his body than just give him blowjobs, to let him fuck him; Gus just needed some kind of reassurance, from someone, anyone at this point, to tell him it was okay and he wasn’t a freak. He also needed to know what to expect, how to do what he was supposed to. All these questions needed answers and since he couldn’t pick up the phone and call Brian, he opted to ask Emmett instead.

He believed that Emmett would be able to give him fair answers without judging him in any way. He had been kind the morning after his first meeting with Aedan and he could almost count on him being kind and fair again.

He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud but his heart was telling him that he was falling for Aedan, in a way that far surpassed anything he had ever felt for Ashley or any other woman he’d ever been with. The thought of Aedan made him smile involuntarily. Visions of him and his mouth on his cock brought an instant hard-on, hearing his voice on the phone made him weak with desire. It was maddening and wonderful at the same time. He could very well be losing his mind, he thought to himself, but at least he’d go nuts happily.

Now he finally understood the looks his fathers gave each other all the time. The instances when he’d walk in on a moment of passion, an embrace or a kiss and the now infamous under-the-desk blowjob. He had never understood the need before this. His relationship with Ashley had been passionate enough, although in retrospect, it lacked a certain element that he was experiencing with Aedan. This wanting to please and the willingness to do anything to achieve that had been missing with Ashley. There were certain sex acts that he was willing to do with her and others they never discussed. With Aedan, his willingness knew no bounds; at least in his mind. He had yet to put to practice every fantasy he’d had but he knew for a fact that he would do it. It was just a question of when.

He still had to come to terms with the immediate problem of announcing his switch to the whole world. He had no idea how they would react, except for Austin. He would probably cut him out of his life, never wanting to have anything to do with him, ever again. The funny part of all this was that he had absolutely no desire to be with any other man. The thought of sleeping with anyone on his football team or anyone he’d known in school, made him want to throw up. What was it about Aedan that made everything seem okay?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Brian lay on Justin’s chest, listening to his heart thudding after another session of outstanding sex. They’d snuck away while the girls were having a ‘spa morning’, a gift from the hotel management for Brian’s continued patronage. The twins were treated to manicures and pedicures along with the usual shampoo and blow-dry. Everything their little girly hearts could think of. All Brian cared about was that they be kept occupied for at least two hours so that he could fuck the morning away and groan as loud as he wanted without having Justin covering his mouth and worrying about being heard.

So they did. Fuck that is, in every location of the suite, in every position. He fucked Justin down his throat and up his ass. It was like old times, coming over and over, amazing even himself with his own prowess.

“Did you take a Viagra without telling me?” Justin asked, completely worn out.

“No, don’t be insulting,” Brian snarked, as he rolled off Justin and reached for his first cigarette of the day.

“I’m not! I’m fucking amazed at your stamina-you’re wearing me out; I don’t get how a man your age can keep doing this without any letup.”

“My age?” Brian asked, leaning on his elbow, the eyebrow raised way too high for Justin’s comfort.

“Well, you know what I mean,” Justin said quickly.

“No, what do you mean, Sunshine?”

“I mean, it’s not fucking normal for a fifty-five year old to get it up multiple times in two hours,” Justin said, covering his eyes with his hands, grimacing as he tried to get in a more comfortable position to take the pressure off his used and very abused asshole.

“Don’t you know that fifty-five is the new forty? It’s also the fact that I’m not smoking as much; it’s given me a second wind, so to speak. This is entirely your fault, Sunshine,” Brian said, snuggling up to Justin’s neck and taking a playful bite. “You are only reaping the benefits of my new found health.”

“Shit, by your calculations, I should be acting like I’m in my late twenties, yet somehow my ass isn’t quite as resilient as it used to be. What about my God damn health, Brian? I’m going to be sore for days.”

“No you won’t. Your asshole has remarkable recovery powers. It always has, so I’m not buying your story,” Brian smiled at his partner, kissing him deeply, loving it when Justin kissed him back, moaning into his mouth, his body betraying him once again, needing Brian more than it needed respite.

“How about if we trade places this time,” Brian whispered into Justin’s ear, “Save your ass for a rainy day and use mine for now?” Brian asked, his hand moving down to Justin’s cock which was already half-erect.

“’Kay,” Justin said breathlessly, his mind already focusing on the task ahead, moving position so that he could top Brian, always a gift, seldom given.

By the time they were done, they were both drenched in sweat. Justin was draped over Brian like a cat on a window ledge, purring in contentment.

“I don’t know why I don’t let you do that more often,” Brian said, fighting desperately to keep his eyes open. “I forget how fucking good you are at this.”

“One of my many hidden talents,” Justin replied, rubbing his face on Brian’s back, cherishing the compliment that always gave him as much pleasure as the act itself.

“Did I tell you yet how much I love you?” Brian mumbled, just before he fell asleep.

“Only four times in the last half-hour,” Justin whispered to no one in particular as he too closed his eyes and slept.

The next sound they heard was banging on the suite doors as Sasha and Sorina stood outside wanting in.

“Christ,” Brian said under his breath as he struggled to get up from underneath Justin’s dead weight. Neither had moved from their earlier position and it was an effort to put one foot in front of the other, much less trying to look normal and fully clothed as he opened the door to let his two excited daughters into the suite.

“Dad,” Sasha exclaimed. “You look like you just got out of bed!”

“I did. Your Daddy and I took a nap, we were exhausted.”

“But it’s only eleven o’clock. Why are you both so tired?”

“I don’t know sweetie. Maybe cause I’m older than dirt,” Brian said with a smile.

“Come on Dad,” Sorina said, “You’re not old.”

“How old is old, Sorina?” Brian asked.

“I don’t know. Old is like Babushka and Nana Chanders. That’s old,” she said, her face lighting up animatedly as she talked.

“Yeah, I guess then I’m not that old, yet,” Brian said, as he made his way into the kitchenette on one side of the suite and started preparing the coffee.

In a few minutes the room was redolent with the smell of newly-made coffee and like clock-work, Justin staggered out of their room and headed straight to the pot. He walked into the kitchen in sweats, shirtless, with a case of really bad bed-head, his lips swollen and red, victims of the mauling they had received earlier.

“Sunshine,” Brian said as he watched Justin stagger in. “Don’t you look like a breath of fresh air.”

“Shut up, Brian,” Justin replied, taking a sip of the coffee that he hoped would clear his head. Every muscle in his body ached, but in an oh-so-good kind of way. He hadn’t felt this fucked-out in a long time.

The few sessions of sex they’d had on this trip had been just that; few and forgettable, except for the very memorable one in Russia. That one made up for all the other mediocre quickies they had to content themselves with due to privacy issues. Yes, they had their own room but Justin was beyond paranoid about the girls listening in on them and it was excruciating to have sex without making one sound. Most people just assumed Justin was the screamer when in fact they both were, in their own way. Grunts and moans were all a part of the fun and without them it was like jacking off in private, way too quiet. This was probably why Brian had the stamina of a thirty-year-old earlier this morning and could sustain their pace for so long. It was all the pent-up energy of withheld screams.

Finally, Justin’s brain seemed to settle back to normal. The coffee worked its usual magic and soon he was able to look at Brian and smile at him, the secret smile that said, ‘you are amazing and I love you’, all in one look. He moved over to the table where Brian sat with the girls and he scooted onto his lap, pulling Brian’s arms around his waist, feeling Brian moving forward to rest his head on his back with a sigh.

“You okay?” he heard Brian whisper, and he nodded, making sure that Brian was aware that he was fine.

“Okay girls, it’s our last day in London,” Justin announced. “Tomorrow we fly to Madrid for a week, to visit Aunt Molly and her family. Think about what you want to do today. Shop? Tour? What’ll it be?”

“Harrods,” they both squealed, hurting Brian’s ears but making him happy nonetheless. There was only one other thing he loved more than shopping, and he’d already had his fill for the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gus sat on his easy chair, staring at the hockey painting. It was almost six-thirty and Emmett would be there any minute. He had a beer in his hand, the third one for the night. He had wolfed down two bottles as soon as he got home, knowing he’d need the liquor to fortify him for this discussion.

The squawk-box announced Emmett’s arrival and he pushed the button to let him in. Shortly after, Emmett stood at his front door, holding a bottle of Chardonnay and two wine glasses.

“Hey Em,” Gus exclaimed, surprised that he had brought a gift. “You really didn’t need to do that.”

“I know honey, I just thought it’d be nice, to relax and have some grape juice with a friend.”

Gus thanked him, grateful for the gesture. He took the bottle and glasses and went over to the counter to uncork it, pouring them both generous portions. He went back over to the living room where Emmett was sitting on the couch waiting.

“I don’t quite know how to say this,” Gus started, handing Emmett his glass.

“Let me help you, sweetie,” Emmett said, “You saw him again, your mystery man.”

“Yes,” Gus replied, taking a sip of wine and waiting.

“And? Tell me…tell me. What did you think? Was he all that, or was it the booze talking? How did you react? Where did you see him?”

“Whoa,” Gus said, laughing at Emmett’s enthusiasm, although relaxing a bit, now that it was out in the open.

“I went back to Babylon and he showed up.”

“And?” Emmett waited, dying for details.

“I guess I’m bisexual Em, only I didn’t know it.”

“What makes you say that,” Emmett asked, getting serious now, knowing how important this was to Gus.

“I’m crazy attracted to this guy. He’s on my mind, day and night. I can’t stop thinking about him,” Gus said, mortified that his cheeks were turning beet red.

“Have you had sex?” Emmett asked, noting Gus’ discomfort.

“Not exactly,” Gus replied.

“Honey, that’s like saying you’re a little bit pregnant. What exactly do you mean by ‘not exactly’.”

“He’s done things to me, I haven’t reciprocated,” Gus said, bending his head and looking down at the floor.

“You let him blow you,” Emmett said.

Gus nodded, still unable to look him in the eye. Emmett reached over and gently put his hand on Gus’ face, lifting it so he could look at Gus and reassure him.

“Its okay, Gus. I really do understand how it is.”

“How could you?” Gus asked, his eyes looking haunted and confused. “You’ve never been in the closet.”

“But I was with a closet queen for many months. I know what Drew went through before he came out. I felt every moment of his anxiety and pain.”

“I’ve heard some of this story from ‘DJ’, but not all of it. Can you share it with me?” Gus asked.

“Of course, sweetie,” Emmett replied, and he proceeded to tell Gus all about Drew Boyd, their meeting, his unexpected attraction to Emmett, their secret affair, his denial and subsequent exposure, the divorce and all the drama of those days that had the entire sports world in a major uproar.

“So he was straight for years, until you came along?”

“Well, he thought he was straight, but deep down inside he was Gay as blazes,” Emmett said with a sad smile.

“And how did it end?” Gus asked.

“Not well. He finally came out and after the initial shock and dealing with the fallout, he really got into the whole Gay scene and started fucking anything that moved. I couldn’t deal with it so I let him go.”

“That must have been very hard for you,” Gus said, looking at Emmett with a whole new respect. Emmett had always struck him as a big flamer, always over the top and very much the drag queen in many ways. Gus had never really taken the time to look through that façade and see the real man underneath the glitter; the man sitting in front of him who was intelligent and successful, but most of all, generous and loving and a very good friend.

“It was a nightmare,” Emmett conceded. “But I survived, and then I met the love of my life. I would have never been ready for Max if I hadn’t experienced everything I did with Drew. Max and I were just meant to be. It was Karma.”

“Karma,” Gus said, smiling. “We use that word a lot in our house.”

“I know sweetie,” Emmett answered, “I’m the one that got Justin into the whole Buddhism thing.”

“Right. So, do you think Aedan and I are having some sort of Karmic collision?”

“Well, I don’t know about the collision part, but it does sound like you were certainly meant to hook up with him. I mean, what are the odds of you meeting at Babylon that one night when you never, ever go there? I mean, how weird is that?”

“Thank you!” Gus said. “That’s what I’ve been telling myself for weeks now. And what are the odds that I even let him near me? Why am I not grossed out by him in any way, shape or form? That the thought of him kissing me makes me want to come in my pants, that all I can think of is his mouth on my cock? How can I be more attracted to this man than I’ve ever been to any woman I’ve ever known?”

“Oh honey,” Emmett said, reaching out for Gus’ hand and giving him a tight squeeze. “You’ve got it really bad for this guy.”

“Tell me about it,” Gus moaned, leaning his head back on the sofa. “I’m obsessed!”

“And is he, with you?”

Gus showed Emmett his cell phone, and he clicked on calls received and showed 18 calls from Aedan in the last three days.

“Well, that certainly answered that question. Obviously, you have a thing for each other, and I think it should be explored,” Emmett announced.

“I’m more than happy to explore, Em. I just need some direction here. I’m like a fish out of water, I don’t quite know which end is up,” Gus said, looking into Emmett’s eyes, imploring him for some basic help in the world of gay sex.

“Honey, you have come to the right source. Now, sit back and let Dr. Honeycutt tell you a thing or two,” Emmett said, pushing Gus back against the sofa, and proceeding to lecture him on all aspects of male on male sex.

When he was done, Gus sat there with his mouth open, not saying one word.

“Gus, say something,” Emmett said. “Are you freaking out on me?”

“No, I’m not. I just don’t know if I can do any of that. Until I met Aedan, I never thought of men in a sexual way. I don’t know where this is all coming from Em. Do you have any idea how fucked up this is?”

“Did you ever think you could kiss a man before this happened with Aedan?”

“No.”

“And if some guy at school or at work had tried to touch your dick, let alone suck it, what would you have done?”

“Punched his lights out,” Gus replied without hesitating.

“And yet?”

“I know, I know,” Gus said, running his hand through his hair, and then leaning back on the sofa. “I don’t get it either and it’s driving me crazy. How can this be possible? All my life I’ve been straight, I’ve always been attracted to women, then all of a sudden, out of fucking nowhere, I’m attracted to this guy. And I don’t mean every guy. He’s the only one I want, Em. Is this not insane? Maybe I’m having a psychotic break here and I don’t know it.”

“Honey, the only thing crazy about you is that you seem to be crazy in love. Sometimes these things happen. It’s rare for someone straight to all of a sudden be attracted to someone of the same sex, but it’s not unheard of. There are some people that are genuinely bisexual, not just hiding behind that façade to avoid coming out.”

“What do you mean?” Gus asked, perplexed by that statement.

“A lot of ‘straight’ men call themselves bi when in actuality they’re gayer then a pride parade. They’re either too scared to come out or in a position at work where admitting their sexual preferences would destroy them. So they walk around saying they’re bi, but we know better. More like ‘bi now, gay later’ is what we call them,” Emmett said, a little bitchiness creeping into his voice.

“Do you think I’m like that?” Gus asked, his eyes pooling with liquid, turning greener by the minute.

“No, Gus, I don’t. You have no reason to deny who you are. Your parents would have readily accepted you, gay or straight. The thing is you have never shown an inclination towards men so your family has treated you like a straight man. None of us knew you were bi.”

“Yeah, it’s such a mystery, even I didn’t know about it. Do you have any idea how messed up this is?”

“I’m sure that it’s confusing as hell right now, Gus, but the attraction you feel for this guy is undeniable. I’ve been told that a true bisexual will see himself as primarily straight or homo, depending on what they started out as, but then something will change and they will be attracted to a member of the same sex. And I don’t mean anyone. It’s usually one specific person that will cause the shift in interest and many times it never happens again. The reason I know this is because I researched this to death when I was involved with Drew. I wanted to try and understand him and help him through his crisis, however in Drew’s case, there was no bisexuality. The man was queer, he was just too afraid to admit.”

“But he did, eventually,” Gus said.

“Yes, he did,” Emmett replied, placing his hand on Gus’ arm. “But that was then and this is now. What’s important to me is your mental health and how you are dealing with this. I’ve got to meet this man and see for myself what he’s all about.”

“Stick around, Em. He should be here in another half hour or so.” Gus said.

Emmett looked at Gus and was so reminded of a young Brian. They looked like twins for one thing, but the sarcasm and edginess was the same. It was never there before, but since his divorce, Gus looked and acted more and more like a Kinney.

“I’d love to stay sweetie, but I can’t. Max is expecting me for dinner and I don’t want to disappoint him. I’m sure I’ll meet Aedan another time.”

“Whatever,” Gus said, getting up and walking over to the counter to pour himself another glass of wine.

“Have you told Brian any of this?” Emmett asked.

“No,” Gus replied, emphatically. “And you’d better not either. I don’t want to spoil their holiday. It’s taken DJ forever to convince Dad to get away, the last thing I want is for him to come rushing back here to rescue me.”

“What makes you think he’ll want to ‘rescue’ you?” Emmett asked a little confused.

“Because he’s my Dad and he’s always wanted things to be perfect for me.”

“And who’s to say this isn’t?” Emmett asked.

“It’s my call Em, don’t go there, please. I need to do this my way and when I’m ready, I’ll tell him and DJ. They’ll probably need to see Daphne as patients for a whole year after that.”

“You give your fathers very little credit Gus. They are not ordinary people. They are both exceptional in their own way. I think you’ll be more than surprised by their reaction to this bit of news.”

“Maybe so, Em, but until I know where I’m going with this, and I’m comfortable in my new-found skin, I don’t want them to know. Or my mothers for that matter. They would definitely have a break down. I can just hear my Mom, whining about lost grandchildren.”

“Okay sweetie, whatever you say. Promise me one thing though?”

“What’s that?”

“Call me anytime you need to talk. About anything. Whether it’s the color of his eyes or butt plugs, you need to know that I’m here for you, okay?”

“Thanks Em. I really appreciate that. I didn’t know where to turn or who to talk to. It’s such a relief getting this out in the open.”

“No problem sweetie. You know Max and I love you like a son. I’ve watched you grow up, Gus. Your best interests are always in my heart. You must know that.”

Gus reached for Emmett and hugged him, knowing that he had done the right thing by asking for his help. Now he could only hope that all his other decisions would be just as good.

TBC

Go to: Chapter 10